The need for children and adults to attach and connect with precious few is a survival mechanism that is wired into our genes from the day we are born till the day we die. Thanks to John Bowlby, pioneer in theory and research on attachment whose findings confirm that loving contact is as important as physical nutrition and oxygen.  "Love is the most compelling survival mechanism of the human species. Not because it induces us to mate and reproduce, but because love drives us to bond emotionally with a precious few who offer us safe haven from the storms of life. Love provides emotional protection so we can cope with the ups and downs of existence. The drive to emotionally connect with your loved one is as basic to life, health and happiness as the drives for food, shelter, or sex." -Sue Johnson The media portrays love to be temporary, based on passion. Societal and cultural messages emphasize more on being independent and self sufficient, and indicate that it is immature to need and rely on others, or that it is solely about giving rather than getting our needs met. However, the attachment view of love is based on "healthy dependency". Turning to others for emotional support is a sign of strength and courage rather than a weakness. Research in the last 10 years on adult attachment has demonstrated that that partners who received emotional closeness, and reassurance end up feeling confident and secure with each other. Couples with secure positive attachment
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The Negative Cycle >
Attachment |